I've often heard people say that being a mother is the hardest job in the world (well, I've heard Oprah say that heaps of times). And I often wonder whether childless people actually believe that. I'm sure that before I had children I probably thought 'how hard can it be?'. Well, I've had some pretty stressful jobs so I feel qualified to make an opinion on this. I can assure you that while being a mother is not hard all of the time (you're right, watching Sesame Street and building a rocket out of Lego is pretty cruisey) there are moments, or even days, when no paid job could ever be as difficult as being the mum.
Yesterday, was such a day for me. I am convinced that if an adult treated me the way my 4 year old son treated me yesterday, it would be considered mental and/or emotional torture. And it seems that the 1 year old has become his terrorism accomplice - working in tandem to create maximum chaos. I will spare you the gory details - I don't want to put anyone off having children - but suffice to say that yesterday I would have preferred to be working for that egotistical, chauvinist, slave-driver I used to be employed by. I know some mothers have darling, wonderful children who never do anything wrong but there are those of you out there who know exactly what I am talking about. And its for us that this book was written:
Porn for New Moms from the Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative knows exactly how to hit the mum's pleasure spot. With phrases (and accompanying images) like:
Look! She loves the sound of the vaccuum cleaner. And you should see her light up when I damp mop!
Damn! You look hot in those sweatpants!
Don't worry, honey. Your mother and I will take wonderful care of the baby while you and your girlfriends are at the spa.
I told my boss I have to leave at 3:00 every afternoon so I can come home and give you a break.
Now, remember, it's my turn to do the midnight feeding, so don't get up!
There's no nudity in this book but who needs it when it says all the right things? I bet we all know someone who could use this book. Porn for New Moms is available from Uncommon Goods, Amazon and Chronicle Books.
And please, no comments about being a bad mother or whatever. I've suffered enough.
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